Dealing with telephone cold callers
Answer the phone like this:-
All of our operators are busy.
If you would like to leave a message that no-one will listen to then press 1 now
If you would like someone to call you back – fat chance of that, then press 2 now
If you would like to waste more of your time then press 3 now repeatedly.
And so on.
They always put the phone down after option 1
The most common time wasting phone call I get recently is a survey request. Most afternoons some idiot phones up and asks for my help with information on what I like to buy or questions about products or general survey of UK lifestyles etc. – They call it lots of things but the point is for them to ask a lot of questions that gets them information they can sell.
And that’s what they do – they sell your answers then you get inundated with calls from people you don’t want to talk to.
How do they do this?
Suppose they ask a question.
“Do you have a pet” and maybe you say you do.
Then “do you have pet insurance”. You say No.
Now your contact details can be sold to every pet insurer out there as someone who needs pet insurance. Then over the coming weeks you will get lots of phones calls starting with “I believe you haven’t insured your pet – do you realise you can be liable for any damage caused by your pet”. And so it goes on.
Every question you answer – however you answer it can lead to phone calls you don’t want.
When such an idiot phones you asking you to answer some simple questions – don’t do it.
You didn’t ask them to phone you so you can be as rude to them as you want. Or just politely say “I don’t answer surveys –don’t ever call again”.
I usually say to them “ I charge £500 to answer a survey. Do you have the money ready to pay me. No – then get lost and don’t ever call again.” When you go off their script they don’t know what to do, so confuse them, waste their time if you want to. But don’t answer the survey questions.
BT and other companies produce phones that let you block cold callers.
e.g. BT8600 Home Phone with Advanced Call Blocker
This allows you to choose the calls you want to take and those you want to block.
Advanced Call Blocking Features
You can block 1000 individual numbers and you can choose the type of calls you want to block such as mobile, international, withheld, unknown or payphone numbers. You can even block numbers by area code or suffix.
There other phones that do similar of course.
The BT call blocker phones start at £35, but there’s also
Conclusion: These phones do seem a good idea for anyone plagued by cold callers.
While the intrusive and irritating nature of a cold call can infuriate the masses, there have been quite a few times in the past when I have tried to treat the unwelcome interruption with a bit of humour. How? Well when I see that the Caller ID has been withheld again, I resort to answering the phone in a way that could lead to an interesting conversation. Here are some of my favourite ones so far:
“Hampshire Constabulary Incident Room, DI Smith speaking,” (a personal favourite of mine).
“Surbiton Pizza Hut, is your order for collection or delivery?” (in the typical teenage tone).
“Cyber and Communications Crime Unit,” (always goes down well!)
“PPI Compensation Hotline, can I help you?” (get them with their own game).
“Thank you for calling ‘The Smithson Clinic’. To book an appointment, press 1.” (usually followed by a long list of different fake options).
What ends up happening next? Most of the time, the caller returns the handset within a split second but sometimes, comedy gold ensues! So next time you see the all-too-familiar ‘Caller ID Withheld’, pick a persona and see how it goes.
Some peopl
e enjoy being very rude to such callers to get rid of them, some are more polite but end the conversation quickly but many keep talking, either not understanding that it’s a bad idea to talk to such callers and a waste of your time or are just too polite to end the conversation.
A more efficient approach is to be direct.
They will try to engage you in conversation “How are you today”? or a similar question.
Do not engage. If asked your name or to confirm your name – Do not engage.
Ask “What do you want”?
If not answered, then repeat the question until you get an answer or just put the phone down.
Once answered, you have the choice to continue the conversation or end the call.
End the call with “Goodbye and don’t ever call again” and put the phone down.
If you have a more effective approach then do let me know.
There is an increase in cold calls by companies offering to do energy saving work on your home. Some are legitimate but others are not.
If in doubt, contact the local Trading Standards office or Citizens Advice (03454 040506)
