These suggestions are from  users of the Slummy Single Mummy website at https://slummysinglemummy.com/  and are in response to a cold caller telling you that you have been involved in a car accident, but the responses can be applied to most cold callers.

• ‘Oh my goodness! I thought I was feeling a bit funny today. Am I seriously hurt?’
• ‘Could you call me back in about ten minutes?’ (grunting) ‘I’m just having a poo and it’s proving stubborn.’
• ‘Noooo!’ (breaking down in tears), ‘I knew this would catch up with me! I told Frank we shouldn’t have pushed the other car off that bridge, that we should have just owned up and told everyone it was an accident, and NOW SEE WHAT’S HAPPENED??’
• ‘Well, that’s a funny coincidence as I have just been informed that you have been in an accident? Are you okay?’
• ‘Well I have been in an accident but it WAS my fault. She had it coming.’
• ‘Yes I have – it happened just then when I answered the phone to you, so I guess that makes it your fault? Could you give me your insurance details please?’
• ‘Thanks for calling. I do need to make you aware that this call will be recording for training purposes.’
• ‘Damn it,’ (in desperate voice), ‘I thought I’d managed to get all the witnesses. Who told you? Was it that snitch Tommo?’
• ‘I’m so glad you called,’ (whispering), ‘I’ve been trying to tell everyone this for MONTHS but they keep telling me I imagined it. I’ve been in this strange hospital for six weeks now. Can I give you the name of my doctor and then you can call and explain to her that it IS true – you have been informed of it?’

Have fun with cold callers – they called to waste your time, so waste theirs instead.

If you have any better suggestions or answers you have tried, do let me know, by email.